Flying Your Freak Flag

“I just need to be a little more weird and communicate when things are frustrating,” said my new client at the end of our first coaching session. One month (and two coaching sessions) later, she is visibly relaxed and way less hard on herself. Her boss even said to me, “I don’t know what you’re saying to her — she has such an ease, it’s magnetic!”

I love this part of my job — helping folks transform how they think about their eccentricities and peculiarities from “problem” to “superpower.” Because the fact is that the stuff that makes you extraordinary is also the stuff that makes you weird. And being seen as “weird” is not always comfortable…

The reason we develop insecurity about these superpowers is that “fitting in” is a human imperative, so we learn to contain and control them. We label our idiosyncrasies as problems (i.e., we overthink or get too excited or express emotions too powerfully), and we treat the resulting frustration not as a sign that our powers are being wasted but as further proof that we are freaks.

As a result, we try to change how we interact with the world in a way that goes against our natural patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior, reinforcing the idea that something is wrong with us. We contort and constrain ourselves trying to fit into a container that is the wrong shape, which is stifling, frustrating, and painful.

Sure, we’ve all experienced times when our unique blend of superpowers was not the right fit for the situation we were dealing with, and things didn’t go well. But the mistake is thinking these examples are the rule when, in reality, they’re the exception.

But when we allow ourselves to embrace the things that set us apart, we learn that the things that make us quirky also make us unique and powerful. And this understanding allows us to release all the tension that accompanies trying to be someone we’re not. This, in turn, frees up an enormous source of energy to engage with the world in a way that fulfills and restores us, creating a virtuous cycle that leads us to the life we want rather than the life we’re “supposed to want.”

I would love to help you embrace your oddball tendencies, but in the meantime, here are some ideas about how you can learn to fly your freak flag high and proud:

1. Lead with it. If you tell people up front what to expect from you, they don’t have a chance to react negatively due to surprise. For example, whenever I speak to groups, I “warn” them that I talk fast and that I’m likely to jump around on the topic, and I invite them to interrupt me anytime with clarifying questions. For my client, it’s the opposite — she needs time to think things through carefully and doesn’t like to feel rushed, so she’s working on asking her colleagues to include her earlier in conversations so she can contribute her best.

2. Celebrate it. When you notice your superpower in action, give yourself a high-five! Reinforce the ways it makes you awesome so you can overcome your history of negative connotations. Recently, I’ve been working on a really unique project where I am delivering the results of a 360º review survey to doctors I’ve never met before, which means I have no idea what to expect when the person signs on to the Zoom call! At the end of each meeting, I do a little dance to celebrate my ability to be responsive, adaptable, and skilled in helping the sessions unfold positively.

3. Own it. Not everyone is going to love your superpowers, and that’s OK. When people get frustrated by the things you can’t change about yourself, brush it off. You can even reward yourself for fully inhabiting your strengths with a sticker or a fancy coffee. In some ways, letting your authentic self rub people the wrong way is the most significant proof of the confidence you are building in the person you are!

Drop me a line and tell me about the superpower you’re embracing! Hanna(at)RingmasterConsulting.com